Pain Management: Part 3 (The weaning / the keening)

Monday: OK.  Norco every six hours; ibuprofen every six hours.

Tuesday:  I wake up semi frozen in pain; it's been all night and I am EMPTY.  I stagger to the bathroom and take the ibuprofen, stagger to the kitchen to eat a banana, and stagger back to bed.

I have a busy day.  It's actually OK.  I still take the Norco every six hours.  It's OK.

Wednesday:  Wake up even more frozen in pain.  Stagger, stagger, stagger.  I can do this.  I try to sleep a lot.  I notice I'm not moving as much.

Thursday:  Wake up super frozen.  I think I ask someone to bring me the ibuprofen.  I stagger through the day.  A better day, a little more movement.  And it's good to have the narcs out of my system.  It's just that I have this ongoing nerve pain.  It never goes away.  I go to acupuncture and she works on it.  I'm starting to crack.

Thursday night I get weepy.  I realize that I'm just so so so so fucking sick of all this.  That there are more horrors and depredations coming up. That I'm still not well from the surgery.  That I'm sick of the drain and the pain and just the overall LENGTH of this thing.  I'm barely 15 minutes into this and I'm just so... damn... tired of it all.

It's not going away.  It's not going away until I get through all of it.  It's the crossing of the desert, the march across Mordor, the trial by fire, Ulysses' struggle to get home, the slaying of the dragon.  I can't quit, I can't shirk, I can't refuse.  I can only do it.  And I'm so so so sick of this ongoing pain in my arm.

It's not unendurable.  It's not excruciating.  It's just there, and always has been there, and I'm so sick of it being there.  I get weepy.  I lose heart.  I crumble inside before this silly, stupid, really little thing.

And then today.  Today is just one long series of cluster fucks after another.  It starts with my Bright Idea.  The Norco that they don't want me to take is part acetaminophen.  Like 325mg.  Why couldn't I take an actually real grownup size dose of Tylenol instead of the Norco...and not have the narcotic issue but actually enhance the pain killing efficacy?  Good idea!  I call my oncological surgeon's office this morning to check out this new plan.  Her assistant gets the problem and suggests I try out my Bright Idea for the rest of the day and check in with her later.  Great. Got it.  I take the double Tylenol and wait for blessed relief.