The second cake

Through a lovely set of serendipitous events, a book has come into my life which has really been an amazing read. It's called Close to the Bone, by Jean Shinoda Bolen.  It's about the soul-deepening experience that a life-threatening illness can open us up to.

As a Jungian specialist, she uses a lot of mythological metaphor as a springboard for her exploration of this subject.  The first one she gets into is the story of Persephone.  Picking flowers in a field one day, the earth suddenly opens in front of her and she is abducted by Hades and taken into the underworld.  Her whole world is stripped and turned upside down.  Bolen makes the point that this is what being told you have a life-threatening illness is like; you are suddenly in a world where none of the old rules apply, none of your strategies for coping are relevant, and other people are in control of your fate.

Another story that really resonates with me is the story of Psyche.  Psyche is given a task to go into the underworld.  She is given two cakes -- one to distract Cerberus, the watchdog at the gates, when she enters the underworld, and one to distract him when she is ready to leave.  She is also told that she will be tempted to provide help to others, but she is instructed to say no each time.  As she was forewarned, she encountered an old man carrying a large bundle who asks her to pick up some twigs for him.  She encountered three old women who asked them to help her with their weaving.  She saw an old man floundering in the Styx who held out his hand for her to grasp.  Each time she had to say no, because to say yes would require putting down the second cake.  And if she did that, she would never escape back to the light again.

As I prepare for tomorrow, and the journey ahead, these two stories really resonate with me.  The first thing that I will have to give up as I descend, is electronic communication.  First, it will be my choice as I try to spend today getting physically and mentally ready.  Thereafter, my radio silence will be enforced by whatever physical state I'm in.

I am also saying no a lot.  I have already canceled an opera board meeting tonight, which felt good on some levels.  On other levels, I hate putting things off until later... but in this case it was necessary.  I am going to have to say no to good friends when they want to visit, if I don't feel up to visiting.  Instead of doing everything I can do, I'll do everything I should do.  For myself. 

I'm going to try to learn how to answer the question of what do I want more readily.  It's always been a stumper. What are my needs right now?  What would nourish me best? 

It's the difference between not eating badly, and eating actually well.  I used to say I ate pretty well because I did not always order onion rings, nor did I have a beer with every meal.  There's a big difference between that and eating really nutritious foods on purpose to really nourish all your cells and body.  It's going to be an interesting challenge to do that with other aspects of nourishment as well.  Instead of merely avoiding toxic situations, I need to actively engage primarily in activities that will feed my soul, strengthen my spirit.

So that's where I'm going.  I may be unable to communicate for awhile.  I may need to be quiet. I may be making choices that are different than they might once have been.  Most of all, I will be making sure to hang onto that second cake, so I can come out of this first part of my journey quickly... and with enough strength to get me through the next part.